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CJ Taylor is a regular contributor to www.fighting-mma.com. He also has his own blog at http://mercilessrhetoric.blogspot.com

It has been well documented that extreme psychological stress and anxiety can have adverse physical effects. In some cases, such mental anguish can cause temporary blindness and incontinence, with symptoms lasting from minutes to hours. Patient observation suggests that these serious medical conditions simultaneously struck all three judges scoring the main event for UFC 104 on October 24th 2009.


Close analysis of the fight between Marucio “Shogun” Rua and Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida will reveal two very important facts that call the official decision into question. First, midway through the fight fans began inexplicably booing for about ten seconds, despite relatively no change in the amount of action before and after. This suggests that something foul and unpleasant briefly afflicted the audience in the third round—evidence that the judges were suffering from one of the aforementioned symptoms, colloquially referred to as “shitting your pants.” The crowd was not booing the fighters, who were dutifully engaged in a light sparring session, but rather the stench wafting up from the officials.


Secondly, Shogun landed 82 strikes to Machida’s 42, including 49 clean shots to the legs and 17 head shots. Yet the judges somehow found Machida to be the aggressor. The most logical explanation for this discrepancy is that the judges were intermittently struck by temporary blindness throughout the 5 rounds, causing them to only notice Machida’s occasional attacks.


So the question arises, what caused this rampant case of dirty underwear and blindness among the ringside judges? How could they all be afflicted at the same time, causing such a terrible decision? Perhaps this picture will help shed some light on this mystery.

The man on the left is Machida in his days at Chutebox. The man on the right is Matthew Selk of Largo, Florida. Mr. Selk allegedly punched and stabbed his girlfriend's Siamese cat and was subsequently charged with cruelty to animals. As you can see here he has a disturbing resemblance to Machida, right down to those cold, kitten-killing eyes. The thought of being in a close vicinity to such a heartless kitten murderer must have been extremely difficult for the judges, to the point that they could not effectively score the bout.

Put yourself in the shoes of judge Nelson “Doc” Hamilton, struggling to score a close technical battle. In the second round, Shogun seems to be the aggressor, pulling ahead with increased accuracy. Suddenly, Machida catches you with his stare and a chill goes down your spine. The roar of the crowd fades, and in the distance you hear the meow of a young kitten pleading for mercy in dark alley.

Shogun's leg and side kicks are piling up but all you can see is a tiny paw, once used to innocently bat balls of string, riddled with defensive wounds, clawing helplessly in the pale moonlight.

A feeling of dread grows inside your soul. The swollen red ribs of Machida, while evidence of effective strikes by Shogun, only remind you of an innocent kitty with a pink nose and big eyes, being punched in the face, blood dripping onto velvety white fur. The sensation is too intense; as your vision blurs, sharp stomach pains become intolerable until a warm feeling trickles across the seat of your pants. By the time you've regained your composure, the fight is over.


I believe this theory is more than just conjecture.  Consider also the suspicious markings on Cecil Peoples official scorecard where he seems to express concern for the safety of his cat.


I do not blame the judges for what they did. They wanted to forgo personal embarrassment and avoid the wrath of Machida toward their own kitties. Given the circumstances, it must have seemed a safe bet to give the fight to the undefeated champion.


And though it seems we’ll be treated to a rematch at some point in the near future, the real question remains: who will be the next to be Macheated?

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